Serious question......

[Koabzilla]

Ok, not sure if this is in the right area, but I figured its a question geared more towards woman, so here we go.

My wife & I have been married for 6 years, but have been together since '93. We have 2 beautiful kids, ages 4 & 1 1/2. I have noticed that things have been a little distant between us lately, and I am having a hard time figuring out why. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she seems to always make me feel like the bad guy, but I don't think she is trying to do that at all. I just want to know, what she is feeling whenever I get this "distant" feeling in my gut when I am near her anymore. I hug her & kiss every day when I get home from work, I tell her that she looks good almost on a daily basis, I tell her that she is sexy, I do everything for her..........I basically try to give her everything that she wants/needs whether it be physical or emotional. She says that she does not feel the same way I have been feeling lately. But why am I feeling this way. We rarely have sex anymore, she never shows me the same effection that I show her, I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY!

The only thing I can think of, is that she really hasn't gotten her body back after having 2 kids. Maybe she doesn't feel sexy inside you know. But thats it.....thats all I can think of. I have heard that woman reach their sexual prime when they reach their mid 30's.........who knows if that is true or not, but I sure hope so, I would like to have my wife back. So.....for you woman who have had kids, did you'r feelings changed emotionally or what? Do you have any advice maybe for me. Cause I just don't know what to do anymore.....

Thanks in advance...

[warbuk]

sounds familiar,

mine was cheating on me. making me look like the "bad guy" taking the heat off her. or making me feel sorry for her. bitch.

good luck man....

[CRASH]

sounds familiar,

mine was cheating on me. making me look like the "bad guy" taking the heat off her. or making me feel sorry for her. bitch.

good luck man....



i was gonna say the samething sorry bro best of luck

[bigheadache]

I got the same problem no kids though. My wife acts the same way. It must be the weight cause my wife used to be a size 1 and she loved sex than. now she is a size 9 and she dont want to have sex anymore. I dont think she is fat but she does. crazy been going through this crap for several years.here is a pic of wife

[ARsuperbike]

Does she get out of the house very often? And if she does is she stuck taking the kids with her. Or does she go to work then back home and never really get any time to herself. It is very possible that she just feels she is in a trapped type environment. My wife and I went through the same thing before, my first thought was my wife was screwing around. But then I sat back and thought about it and she didn't have time to cheat she was always at home with the kids or work. Turned out she didn't do much away from work and home. And I of course have my bike so I was gone whenever I got the chance to ride. If this is your case I would suggest you finding a babysitter for the kids and taking her out. If you can't find a babysitter you stay home watch the kids and tell her to go have a good time.

[I37]

i was gonna say the samething sorry bro best of luck

+1, When I first starting reading it, I thought that.... I am not married never been, but have seen people go thru some shit, but what do I know.... Anyway good luck bro, hang in there.


-JayD

[MikeM]

I hear this complaint from MOST married men, thats why I never want to be one of them.

[warbuk]

Does she get out of the house very often? And if she does is she stuck taking the kids with her. Or does she go to work then back home and never really get any time to herself. It is very possible that she just feels she is in a trapped type environment. My wife and I went through the same thing before, my first thought was my wife was screwing around. But then I sat back and thought about it and she didn't have time to cheat she was always at home with the kids or work. Turned out she didn't do much away from work and home. And I of course have my bike so I was gone whenever I got the chance to ride. If this is your case I would suggest you finding a babysitter for the kids and taking her out. If you can't find a babysitter you stay home watch the kids and tell her to go have a good time.
could be but i thought mine didn't have time either with the kids and all. i was wrong lol.

[ARsuperbike]

could be but i thought mine didn't have time either with the kids and all. i was wrong lol.

Damn that sux.

[Koabzilla]

Does she get out of the house very often? And if she does is she stuck taking the kids with her. Or does she go to work then back home and never really get any time to herself. It is very possible that she just feels she is in a trapped type environment. My wife and I went through the same thing before, my first thought was my wife was screwing around. But then I sat back and thought about it and she didn't have time to cheat she was always at home with the kids or work. Turned out she didn't do much away from work and home. And I of course have my bike so I was gone whenever I got the chance to ride. If this is your case I would suggest you finding a babysitter for the kids and taking her out. If you can't find a babysitter you stay home watch the kids and tell her to go have a good time.

This is exactly the case. I know for a FACT, that she isn't screwing around. If shes not working, shes shopping with her mom, if shes not shopping with her mom, shes sleeping. I tell her that she needs to get out of the house more often, and I have to basically beg her to let her folks watch the kids, so that we can have a night out by ourselves once in awhile. She says that she loves the kids and doesn't want to be away from them. But, we see them everyday, I think getting away once in awhile is OK wouldn't you think. It's not like we are leaving them forever.

[warbuk]

This is exactly the case. I know for a FACT, that she isn't screwing around. If shes not working, shes shopping with her mom, if shes not shopping with her mom, shes sleeping. I tell her that she needs to get out of the house more often, and I have to basically beg her to let her folks watch the kids, so that we can have a night out by ourselves once in awhile. She says that she loves the kids and doesn't want to be away from them. But, we see them everyday, I think getting away once in awhile is OK wouldn't you think. It's not like we are leaving them forever.
sounds like getting out some is needed. plus maybe see a doc for depresion and get some prozak, well the females do good on another type med like prozak. if you have ins, go in for mood swings. my ins wouldn't cover depresion. go figure? i get prozak for a freind of mine cause she don't have ins. oh and i'm not saying ur girl is depressed but you'd be surprized how prozak will lift ur spirit some. just my 2

[Red]

The only thing I can think of, is that she really hasn't gotten her body back after having 2 kids. Maybe she doesn't feel sexy inside you know.
Thanks in advance...
That's exactly how I feel. I've never been the same after the kids. I can't explain why. But she sounds just like me. Sorry I can't give you any advice on what to do, cause I haven't figured it out yet for myself. Just hang in there.

[Koabzilla]

I know your not trying to say my wife is depressed. You know, you are not the only one that has suggested some prozac to be honest. I don't want to tell her thats what she needs, cause I don't want to hurt her feelings, and, without even knowing if that is what she needs. She is a nurse, so maybe I will bring it up when we have our medical conversations.

[Ashley_PBZ]

ya know what... me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now... have a kid.. yeah i know. but its like even when i was prego he would leave.. i moved away from my hometown and i never did anything, he would always go out and ride and never hardly stay home with me... i got depressed... and now that ive had our son... he still does the same thing. its def not the same between us... he doesnt give me attention or effection like he used to and seems like he likes his friends more than his son and me... shit i hardly ever go out.. maybe once a month and he goes out 3 or 4 times a week. now i have no friends cuz i never do anything. im def depressed. things have changed alot. but im skinnier than i was before i was prego so thats not the problem.. shit im even got a photoshoot for the stargirlz in a week. but i get no appreciation or gratitude for stayin home with our son 24/7 while he gets pissed cuz he cant go out with his friends. and i hate going places with him cuz he seems very distant to me. :guilty: but...it just changes everything after you have a child. i dont really know what to tell you. just sit down and write her a letter or email or something. maybe if she wont talk about it, she will write about it. :(

[I37]

ya know what... me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now... have a kid.. yeah i know. but its like even when i was prego he would leave.. i moved away from my hometown and i never did anything, he would always go out and ride and never hardly stay home with me... i got depressed... and now that ive had our son... he still does the same thing. its def not the same between us... he doesnt give me attention or effection like he used to and seems like he likes his friends more than his son and me... shit i hardly ever go out.. maybe once a month and he goes out 3 or 4 times a week. now i have no friends cuz i never do anything. im def depressed. things have changed alot. but im skinnier than i was before i was prego so thats not the problem.. shit im even got a photoshoot for the stargirlz in a week. but i get no appreciation or gratitude for stayin home with our son 24/7 while he gets pissed cuz he cant go out with his friends. and i hate going places with him cuz he seems very distant to me. :guilty: but...it just changes everything after you have a child. i dont really know what to tell you. just sit down and write her a letter or email or something. maybe if she wont talk about it, she will write about it. :(

This is what I don't get about alot of girls, u know how we were when u met us, just like us guys know u girls are. I am not saying he shouldn't change, like I tell every girl I meet, Im straight up, "don't think ur gonna change me", plus I am not ready to settle down. That was a choice u made when u started dating him, u knew what he was about. Of course some people don't expect to get prego, but yo things happen and life goes on. I understand U gotta family now, but yo some people don't wanna change til their ready. I'm not trying to be mean or a dick, just telling u, before u had a family u knew how it was, and some people do change.

[MikeM]

Guys dont change until they HAVE to

[Ashley_PBZ]

yeah i understand and i dont want him to change. i love him for HiM...

[I37]

yeah i understand and i dont want him to change. i love him for HiM... nothing else. and it was actually kinda like we got prego when we met. i def dont want him to change and i dont want to change. he just gets so caught up in everything else that he doesnt actually enjoy lifes little things like watchin his boy grow sometimes. too caught up in everything else. but thats the way males go right? lol. ive just gotten depressed and def distant since ive had our baby bcuz he doesnt enjoy spendin time with me or his son. thats it.... no changing. i mean if you want someone to change then your not with the right person. thats the way i see it

so ur still around for all the wrong reasons, I guess thats when women cheat, when they feel no love, or whatever, blah...Good luck to u

so koabzilla, how things going ova there?

[Becky30fohio]

Be patient, hang in there....never stop showing her how beautiful and special she is....maybe even try marriage counseling, it's better then telling her she needs "crazy pills."......everyone goes through these stages in life....hopefully it passes soon, I wish you both the best!!

[I37]

Be patient, hang in there....never stop showing her how beautiful and special she is....maybe even try marriage counseling, it's better then telling her she needs "crazy pills."......everyone goes through these stages in life....hopefully it passes soon, I wish you both the best!!

so if I cheat on u or treat u with no affection ur still gonna let me hit?

[Becky30fohio]

so if I cheat on u or treat u with no affection ur still gonna let me hit?


WHAT???????????????????????? :Hum: :Hum: :Hum:

[I37]

WHAT???????????????????????? :Hum: :Hum: :Hum:

so ur basically saying hang in there, so give him w/e he wants and lt him do what he wants, and don't expect anything in return? Just hang in there, thats pimp is that how u females do it where ur from?

[Becky30fohio]

so ur basically saying hang in there, so give him w/e he wants and lt him do what he wants, and don't expect anything in return? Just hang in there, thats pimp is that how u females do it where ur from?

I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS THREAD.....NOT THE GIRL WHO POSTED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND...

sorry if I confused you...

[Ashley_PBZ]

hey don*t get me in this... i was tryin to give him some advice... that*s y i took some of my shit off here... tellin him my story n y i kinda feel like his wife... all well

[I37]

hey don*t get me in this... i was tryin to give him some advice... that*s y i took some of my shit off here... tellin him my story n y i kinda feel like his wife... all well

not at all, wasn't trying to, my bad...

[I37]

I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS THREAD.....NOT THE GIRL WHO POSTED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND...

sorry if I confused you...

Don't yell at me

[Becky30fohio]

hey don*t get me in this... i was tryin to give him some advice... that*s y i took some of my shit off here... tellin him my story n y i kinda feel like his wife... all well


I think he thought I was posting that to you....lol sorry...

BTW.....Congrats on being a Stargirl!!!!

[Becky30fohio]

Don't yell at me


sorry about the caps, my bad.....

[Ashley_PBZ]

yeah this is gettin really confusing. but hey thank*s on the stargirlz comment. i*m really excited about it!

[Becky30fohio]

yeah this is gettin really confusing. but hey thank*s on the stargirlz comment. i*m really excited about it!


hey, no problem...that's cool you are in it. My friend is also in it too, she is miss. Feb. I am from Akron, Ohio so I know those crazy kids..

[Koabzilla]

Hey thanks fellas & fellets. Its good reading some of the stuff people have to say, and its good knowing that I am probably not the only one in this situation too. I have been talking to my wife a lot about this lately, always keeping it in her head, that I love her, and that has never changed. I firmly believe that we are just going through a rough stage in our lives (marriage) right now, with having 2 kids, we never get a chance to just go out by oursleves to have fun, and just deflate. In the 4 1/2 years since having our first child, you can count the amount of times we have gone out (without kids) on 1 hand. Thats incredibly sad IMO, and this is what I am trying to convey to her. I think it will get better, hopefully sooner then later, I just have to be patient for the time being I suppose, and give her space when she needs it.